Quarter-lifers are confused about sex. Call it our puritan roots, our disconnect with our inner-selves, or simply the mixed media messages we receive our whole lives—the bottom line is that we’re all messed up about sex. {And the sex culture in the U.S. is puritan only in that we won’t have straightforward, honest conversations about sex.}
What does this all mean? It means that most of us quarter-lifer women have had to fend for ourselves in our development as sexual beings. Sex talk was shunned, only the dangers and harms were really discussed, and even those only briefly. For most, abstinence was pushed as the only premarital option.
So what now?
It’s time for quarter-lifers to discover their true sexual selves.
Sex should not be an obligation.
It’s still shocking to me how often I hear quarter-lifer women gripe about sex. If you feel like sex is an obligation or a chore in your relationship, something isn’t right. Sex is a natural extension of attraction and, of course, the level of sexual attraction between two people will diminish a bit with time, but the basic concept remains: sex is what makes a romantic relationship, well, romantic. Without it aren’t we just friends?
Like sex? That’s not a bad thing.
It doesn’t make you less intelligent or less ladylike to enjoy sex. Of course that doesn’t mean you should partake in dangerous or excessive sexual behavior, but you’re not a slut if you like sex. {I hate even to use that word, but we all know its ubiquitous use and connotations.} Be true to you.
Don’t like sex?
Most of the time I don’t buy this. A lot of women tell me they simply don’t like sex. I’d bet you just don’t know you like it. Deep-rooted psychological issues aside, women are programmed to like sex. It’s essential to our survival as a species. If you find that you haven’t liked sex recently or never have, take a look at some top sex-drive killers {via webmd.com}.
Could any of these be the culprits?
-Stress
-Unresolved issues
-Alcohol
-Too little sleep
-Parenting
-Medication
-Body Image issues
-Too little intimacy
What can you do?
The first step is to acknowledge that you aren’t fully satisfied by your sex life. {That doesn’t mean giving up on sex.} Then analyze your life and determine what might be causing your sex problems. Try changing one or two things at a time and seeing how it affects you. {Remember that women’s sex drives fluctuate throughout the month based on ovulation, so make sure to test out your changes for at least a month or two.} Write down anything you notice about how you feel.
If you feel lost or confused about where to even start, seeing a mental health specialist might be your best option. A psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor might be able to give you the advice and tools you need to make sex a meaningful and pleasurable part of your life. {Find a specialist near you at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/}
~Ashley Taylor
Thoughts??
